Special Report
It’s just come to the W-SUX SUPER NEWS desk that the Mascot of the BURGER KING Corporation…
has just been taken into custody by an arm of the offices of HOMELAND SECURITY. Officers were extremely tight lipped of what the charges were, but a mysterious E-mail came to the W-SUX News Editor’s office giving us a “heads up” of the current charges.The ‘King ‘ was taken from the Fountainbleau, Florida corporate offices.
The commander of this operation told this reporter that there may, also, be added charges due to the television advertisements’ possible violations of H.R. 1955, which is so new a national law that we’re having our legal department RESEARCH what it entails.
The ONE thing that we do know is that a little known military unit associated with SUBLIMINAL INDUCEMENTS has been brought in to download all the company’s studies of use. The Government has told us here that there has been a STATISTICAL INCREASE equated to the increase in violence of BURGER KING patrons’ intolerance’s between friends and co-workers that are NOT attributed to the over ingestions of BEEF’S steroidal content. I repeat it’s NOT the Beef.
75 percent of these instances involved
Past company commercials have had MOTHERS STALKING the Burger King, attempting to run him over with the FAMILY S.U.V., and the general destruction of “CITY and NEIGHBORHOOD property. Federal officials are telling us that, like the Bush administration… “This office isn’t going to wait for a spate of outbreaks to disrupt the national community. WE’ve made a determination that this type of advertising will remain the exclusive tool of the United States Government.”
With “BIG BUSINESS” funneling in so much money to our legislators it’s difficult for me to see howthese September 11th generated laws will be thwarted.
This has been Lizzie Boardman for W-SUX NEWS. Now back to Simon Symplar in the news room.
ALL text was prepared by administrative staffer JUSTin JOSHENbourg.
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